Educated, successful, financially well-off and married to their Prince Charmings, such women may seem to have it all.

But many of them suffer in isolation and shame because they think domestic abuse doesn’t happen to people like them.

“I think it’s important to change the face of what the abuser looks like,” says Susan Weitzman, Ph.D. and author of “Not to People Like Us,” for which she interviewed or treated hundreds of wealthy, college-educated women who had been battered by their husbands.

“He does wear Armani suits, he does head up organizations,” she adds, pointing out that the women she spoke to were married to CEOs, professors, doctors and executives.

According to Weitzman, the women are also often highly successful, sometimes over-achievers who believe they can and should be able to fix their abusive marriages. There is a whole population of women, she says, who live in abusive marriages, shamed into believing that abuse doesn’t happen to people like them.

While there have been some high-profile cases, including Nicole Brown Simpson, most upscale women remain in the shadows, says Weitzman.

But one woman, Zivile Clampitt, stepped out of the shadows to share her story with 20/20 Downtown. Clampitt was married for 14 years and she and her husband had four children together.

From the wedding photos and birth announcements, to foreign adventures and a luxurious dream house, she says her life may have looked perfect. But what didn’t make it into the scrapbooks were the bruises, the restraining order and her husband’s guilty plea for battery. He says there was only one incident of abuse in their marriage.

“The more the situation escalated, the harder I would work to make it OK,” she says. “ It was as if there was a castle and it was built on a sand foundation and I was just trying so hard just to try to keep everything from collapsing.”

Following are excerpts from Weitzman’s book:

A Safety Plan

A safety plan is essential for anyone living in an abusive marriage, and it must be established prior to an episode. It includes how the woman will escape each room in her home, and how she will get out of the house and away from the residence. She must also have an idea of where she can go, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. She should familiarize herself with the location of the closest hospital and police station and warn friends and family that she may need to call on them in case of emergency. Some women arrange a code word when they call their safe friend to indicate they are in imminent danger or need to leave the house and the abuser is present. At that point the friend should contact the police. Other women have the means to arrange for a private safe house …

A safety plan also means having everything ready for a quick getaway … the woman should pack a small suitcase with originals or duplicates of the following items:

driver’s license and registration

ATM card, checkbook, bank account number(s), credit cards, cash

identification papers, including birth certificate(s), passports, work permits, green cards, insurance policies, and her husband’s social security number

police records or evidence of past violence such as photographs and any other important legal documents

children’s school and immunization records

address book or list of important phone numbers, including those of domestic violence

hotlines or coalitions, the hospital and the police domestic violence unit

mediation(s), keys, about a week’s worth of clothes for her and her children, and anything of great sentimental value.

…If she already has an order of protection (OOP), she should keep it with her at all times…

There are many reasons to call an attorney. For instance, the woman should be aware that if she chooses to leave with her children and prevents her husband from seeing them, that is considered a federal offense. She may be charged with child abduction unless she first files either an emergency custody order or obtains custody provisions within an order of protection… A victim of domestic violence should not tell the batterer she is leaving or thinking about leaving in advance of making her move…

Excerpted from“Not to People Like Us” Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages by Susan Weitzman. Copyright ©2000 by Susan Weitzman.

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