It all started about a year ago when I met Jeff*. He was one of my first real boyfriends, but he was a few years older than me, and a lot more experienced. He would ask me every day to have sex with him, and since I liked him so much I didn't realize this was wrong. Sometimes it got to the point where he would say he wouldn't touch me unless I had sex with him. Then one day I got sick of his incessant bugging for sex so I lost my virginity to him, I felt disgusted with myself.
After that I broke up with him for about two weeks, but he was like I disease, I just couldn't get rid of him. He convinced me to go out with him by telling me how much he loved me and so- on and so-on. Then one day we were in an empty movie theater, in the back row and he was asking me to have sex with him. I said no over and over again and I started crying, next thing I knew he was grabbing me and eventually he started having sex with me. So there I was in a deserted movie theater crying my heart out while he had his way. I could've screamed, but he had convinced me that he was all I had, and so I thought that if I got him in trouble, I would have nothing left.
After this incident I broke up with Jeff* and he started harassing me, and one day I had enough. I went into the counseling office of my high school and told my counselor everything, including the rape. The counselor said he couldn't do anything about the rape but they expelled Jeff for harassment...for the second time. You see Jeff* had done this exact same thing to his last long term girl friend, and she now has a restraining order against him.
If you get raped, don't make the mistake I did by waiting to tell someone about it. Don't take a shower and go strait to the police. I know Jeff* will rape someone again, and hopefully that girl will be smarter than me and put him where he belongs...in jail.
Name Withheld
I am remaining anonymous because I am still afraid for my life. Thanks for listening.
A little over two years ago my life was dramatically changed by the actions of one sick man. I was at my apartment with a guy, Matt*, that I had known for a couple of months and his friend, Tim*, who I had met that night. We were drinking and playing cards for a while. One of my roommates came home and wanted to go to bed so we decided to go to Tim's* apartment. We arrived at Tim's and continued to drink and hang out. About an hour after we were there Matt wanted to run over a friends house to meet up with a girl and bring her over. I had driven and I let him use my car. He said he would be back in less than a half an hour. I did not think I would have anything to worry about.
As soon as Matt left Tim was all over me telling me I was beautiful and all that crap. He came and sat on the couch next to me and tried to kiss me. I kissed him for a few seconds and then pulled away letting him know that I really did not want to be with him. He seemed cool with it for the next few minutes then it seems that a switch turned and he became a completely different person. He tried to kiss me again and I got up and moved to the couch on the other side of the room. He got up and came to sit on the couch with me. I went to get up and he threw me down. He turned down the lights and started fondling me. I got up to turn the lights on, and he threw me down again. He commanded me not to move while he walked into the bedroom. As soon as he got into the other room I ran for the stairs. I made it to the first stair when he grabbed me by the hair and turned me around. He pointed a gun at me and told me to go to the bedroom. I was terrified. While walking to his ! room I kept thinking that he was going to kill me. When we got into the bedroom he shoved the gun to my head and told me to take my clothes off. I asked him to please not do this. His response was "do not make me do this." When he said that I realized that I had two choices, I could live or I could die. I chose to live. I began to undress slowly and he screamed to go faster and started grabbing at my underwear. I told him I was on my period but he did not care. He simply reached into the drawer in pulled out a condom. He pushed me onto the bed and told me to spread my legs. I had a tampon in, he shoved the gun to my head a made me take it out. I handed him my tampon and he got on top of me and started raping me. The gun was rested next to my head the whole time he was raping me. All of a sudden I heard banging at the outside door, my friend Matt was back. I asked him to stop and get the door. He slapped my backside and told me that he would be done shortly. He started getting more forceful and spanking me. What did I do to deserve this? It lasted what seemed to be forever. Matt stopped banging after a few minutes and I did not know what was going to happen next. He finished and got up and began to walk out of the room. I asked him to turn on the light so I could get dressed and he did. I quickly grabbed my clothes and threw them on. I looked out of the room and did not see him. I thought that I had to escape. I ran for the stairs, I could not breathe. I got to the bottom of the stairs and he yelled to get back there or he was going to kill me. He was far enough back I knew I had to continue. I ran as fast as I ever had before and finally made it to some bushes. I crawled into the bushes and began to cry. Why me?
I sat there curled up in the bushes for a while, I did not know what I was going to do next. I was to scared to move, I did not know where he was and if he was going to kill me. The light at the house where I was came on and the next thing I know I was being licked by a dog. The man came out and saw me. I asked him to help me. I explained that I was not sure if he was following me still or not. He told me he would call the cops, but I didn't know what to do. I began thinking that it was my fault. Finally I just asked him to point me in the direction of my house (I had only lived in the town for about 6 months). I got up and began to run again. I saw a payphone and called my roommate. I told her what happened and she came and picked me up.
When I got into the car she was on her cell phone with the police. I grabbed the phone and hung it up. I did not know what to do. She looked at me with the most sincere face (thanks) and said "do you think this is the first time he's done this, and do you think it is going to be the last." I thought about the cold violent way he acted and what he had done to me. The answer was no and I could not with a clear conscience be responsible for putting someone else through that. We went to the hospital.
I am proud to say that he was convicted and sentenced to serve a jail sentence of 14 1/2 years for what he did to me. He is still in jail, and hopefully will remain there the full sentence. When he gets out of prison and for the rest of his life he will be listed as a sexual predator. I am not going to lie and say that going through the trial was easy, in fact it was the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I am not going to say that my family and friends did not suffer with me the whole way, still today. But I am going to say that I prevented another woman and her family and friends from living through this, and that to me is the most important part. I don't know what will happen when he gets out of jail, I surely think he will try to find me, I just pray that he found help or God!!
Good luck to everyone going through this never-ending battle.
Name Withheld
MY DREAMS
Lately, I have been having a lot of dreams. For instance: Monday night I dreamt that I had come out of a fancy store and I was approached by four men. I could not really see their faces, but they took me into an alley and began to hold me down and rape me. It felt so real. As though I was there. Then when the fourth man came to take his turn it was like I let him. I didn't fight at all. I even enjoyed it. Tuesday night: I dreamt I was in a green house. With green walls and a man was chasing me. It was like a maze. He found me in a laundry room and raped me on top of a washing machine. Wednesday night: I was in a pool with a boy who went to my school, he leaned over and kissed me. I pulled away. He then had cornered and pulled the bottom part of my suit off. He began rubbing his penis against me down there. He didn't actually rape me but touched me. I just cried and told him to stop. Last night: I dreamt there was a man lying on my bed as though he was sleeping or not conscious. He pulled his penis out. And I automatically began to rub him and massage him down there. He woke and started to come after me. I just stood frozen. As he put "it" in my mouth. Now these dreams have been going on for a while now. And they usually scare me. I don't like to say the things that have happened to me over the years, so I just act like they have never happened. I don't why. But it is not helping if I am having dreams about it everyday. What do you think that means? I was sexually abused by a boy who was a couple years older than me, for a couple years. But anyway thanks.
Name Withheld
